Too Spiritual For Our Own Good

Yes, I said it. I’ve been TOO Spiritual in the recent months/years. I tried to go too fast, too far, and without proper guidance and consultation each step of the way. I tried to be the All-Star player, without an All-Star coach. I got a taste of a few secs of a “level 7” spiritual experience and all of sudden I think that I am no longer on level 2, but on level 7.

I forgot. I forgot all the hopes, dreams, desires that I once had. I forgot all moments when young and excited Vinit changed his mind about something because of peer pressure or what someone said. I feared not being liked/loved, and then tried to fit in and get others approval. I lost sight of the seed that was the root of all my desire. Instead of understanding the seed and removing the seed permanently, I hide it, and added a mental thought that I thought sounded good. Instead of going through, I tried to close my eyes and go around the issue. So I went along with life and so I thought all was well and I was progressing and getting closer to the goal I thought/think I wanted: Enlightenment. Or was that too a mental concept I picked up along the way?

So many moments have passed by in the last 25 years, so many thoughts racing through my mind each day…how could I realistically remember each instance and if I truly overcame my desire through love and understanding or if I just shoved it down so far that, temporarily, it was good as gone? As my Gurudev has said, mastering a desire is done with love, while controlling is done with force.

Though it is said that everything you carry internally with you, is actually only 1 second old, and that in the next moment it is possible to drop it all and achieve Oneness with Truth, I now am understanding and experiencing that there is a natural and organic process to everything, including spirituality. There is a learning process, a systematic step by step approach.

So back I come to reality, to the real me. Though it is a blow to my “highly spiritual ego”, it’s the only true way to progress. It hurts to bring light to my true state which I had fearfully hidden for so long.

So I’ve now had to stop, acknowledge this mistake, turn around, and back track my steps to where I left off. Then I shall restart with full force, utmost dedication, and faith…being very careful to make sure I do not slip back into my old habit of trying to be a frontrunner spiritual seeker. Though this time I am confident I will not, for this time around I am not alone, but have a Self-Realized Guru by my side guiding me.

Oh, how it keeps coming back to the time tested Guru and disciple relationship. Well, to be completely honest, the real me has always believed the journey to be more fun when you have someone riding along with you for the long drive.

So thank you Gurudev for Your guidance that has allowed me to arrive at this realization. Slowly I am seeing why a disciple begins to dedicate all his fruits to You and only conduct actions You have advised. You operate at a level we can only hope we can one day arrive at. But this time we make efforts not for ourself, but for You!

Like a young couple madly in love contributes all the happiness they experience to the other person and wishes only to please the other more and more, I too also am starting to sense a similiar relationship arrise within myself for my Gurudev. Is it true…is this all because of You?